当我们终于等来了offer雨，当我们走入了dream school，当你觉得自己站在了人生巅峰，当你坐上了飞机奔赴大美利坚，当你信誓旦旦步入大学。少年！你是否在憧憬着美丽大学生活，读读书，学学习，交交好友..... TOO YOUNG！TOO SIMPLE啊！摔！这就跟你讲讲道理，带你预览大学生活。

上课第一天

不就发发大纲，怂些什么

The first day of classes is all about syllabi. What could be so hard?

懵逼脸：教室在哪？学校咋这么大？妈了个上个学还要爬山？！

Where are your classes? Why is this campus so big? Why are there so many HILLS?

交些朋友

都是一个大学的，交个朋友有个什么难的？真是不懂。

Everyone starts college with a clean slate. It can't be so hard to make friends, right?

新生一个月总有那么几天：那个，你叫什么来着？你从哪里来的？

You're bound to develop close friends eventually, but the first few weeks can be awkward. There are only so many times you can have the same conversations: Where are you from? What's your major? What dorm do you do live in?

关于趴体

就是爱舞蹈！哦耶！舞蹈！舞蹈！舞蹈！

Time to dance!

安啦，你也只能在床上扭一扭，舔一舔零食，再泡一泡书海。

The truth is, you'll probably spend more time sitting on a couch or your bed, surrounded by books or snacks (or both). Don't worry if you don't go to a dozen parties right away -- after all, you have four to five years.

关于室友

你们搂搂抱抱，感恩节见见父母。友谊万岁，临山崩而不惧，面雷打而不怂，甚至Deadline都分不开你们。

You'll have dinner together every night, visit each other's families on Thanksgiving and hold her hair back when she's sick. You've heard the stories of ruined friendship, but you two aredifferent.

你的室友被你称做“西屋某姓某女子”

Nothing tests a friendship quite like sharing a 10' x 10' box for a year.

约！

欢迎新生！尤其学妹！欢迎欢迎！热烈欢迎！

Welcome to college.

少年你还是继续看你的校园言情剧吧，哦谎言～多么痛的领悟～

Everything you know is a lie. TV totally tricked you. The college hook-up scene looks nothing like you'd find on The CW.

关于学术

我对毛主席发誓：好好学习，天天向上。

Sure, you'll have to study, but you'll be fine, right?

妈妈！我今天作业是十篇论文！我！要！回！家！（哭嚎脸）

If you feel the urge to call your mom and cry the first time you attempt a 10-page paper on Marx's economic theories, don't worry -- that's totally normal.

关于宿舍

这不是寝室，这是宜家的样板间。

It'll look just like a Pottery Barn catalog!

寝室里不许点蜡烛，哦。寝室里不能买风扇，哦。寝室里不能泡泡面，老子不住了！摔！

Dorm rooms are tiny, plain and full of restrictions. Who knew you couldn't light candles?

关于健身

我以为去健身房就是每日必备，等同于空气，水和阳光。

Every freshman believes they'll go to the state-of-the-art gym on a regular basis.

健身房是什么，汉堡和netflix才是我的真爱。

More likely, you'll go once, then succumb to late-night snacks and your Netflix subion.

关于教授

理想型。。。（白日梦脸）

Sooo dreamy.

@＃％！？＊

Don't expect any student-teacher relationships, laPretty Little Liars. (Sorry.)

关于期末

用每日计划碾压它，读书人不打诳语。

With a carefully-planned study schedule, finals week will be a breeze.

拖延症害死人，考试来临，我也有秘之自信。

You will never,neverwait until the last minute to study again -- except for basically every year, when you make the same false promise to yourself.